I’m Sorry Mum

I'm Sorry Mum

This is my memory of just after my last interaction with my mother before her death. She was upset, I shot an arrow at my sister in a fit of rage and it grazed her leg. My mother was admitted to the hospital that day and died before I saw her again. 2014 is the 40th anniversary of those events.

What is regret, Part 1

What is regret, Part 1

“At some indeterminate time during my early teenage years I found a cassette tape that my mother had recorded. It was an audio letter she had started to make for her parents in England during a time when we lived in India. I found it as I was searching for cassettes to record music on, LPs I had borrowed from friends…”

Click the link to read the rest of this.

I had a new thought…


I had a new thought about what I want to use this blog for and in fact a different meaning for me of the url I originally registered.  My original thought was something to do with World peace.  What compels me now where the prior thought didn’t is that I am currently wrestling some inner demons which are deep rooted and sometimes very self destructive.  I have been posting most of my random writings on the subject of my struggles with my own mental health on my main website, howton.net.  It seems to me now that this site may be more appropriate for that  purpose.

I am going to link some of the pertinent writing from howton.net here so that it will be accessible through this archive too.

Jamie Howton 2/22/14

So what’s with this blog/url/whatever?

I registered the domain “whycantweliveinpeace.com” one day when I was at a very low place mentally.  I was frustrated with the human species in general and despairing for something that I know will never be.  Then i couldn’t figure out what to do with the domain so I did nothing, until after the first 5 year domain renewal when it occurred to me that I should really just breathe a little life on it and see what happens.  There’s nothing like spending a little money on something that has languished to provide just a modicum of motivation.  I mean, I already paid for the domain the electrons are free.  Almost.  I am going to publish this in a chat format and allow comments from anyone for a while.  I would like to know what I should do with this domain.  I really would like to try and make a difference.